While it would be interesting to see him pose with a beer and cigarette dangling from his mouth, we'll take a pass.
These guys frighten us enough fully clothed.
Any volunteers to apply the body paint? Anyone?
Let’s hope CC stands for Consistently Clothed. The guy casts a bigger shadow than a beach umbrella.
We've seen WAY too much of him already.
We’d rather see a picture of Colon’s colonoscopy than see a picture of Colon naked.
Louie displaced untold gallons of water on that stupid celebrity diving show, proving that he has no shame and would likely volunteer for The Body Issue appearance. He must be stopped.
What is it about old dudes at your local gym and their comfort with their wrinkled naked bodies and low-hanging fruit? We don’t want to see it. And neither do the readers of ESPN The Magazine.
ESPN's decision to include the Prince of portliness (thankfully, without Full Frontal Fielder, but just barely) has us a little nervous that they'll revisit some other members of our list. Don't do it. As you can see, Fielder's ample assets have given rise to countless Internet memes. While we appreciate the humor value, we don't want to see any more tattooed, dimpled flesh than we have to.