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College Football's 2016 All-Name Team: The most interesting names on campus

These guys definitely have names befitting the gridiron

The last month of the college football offseason has been full of endless preseason polls, All-America and all-conference teams and watch lists. And with the season now just 18 days away, it’s time to finally unveil the list we’ve all been waiting for: College football’s 2016 All-Name Team. Here are the most apt, creative and wackiest FBS player names we will cherish all fall:

 

First Team

 

Offense

QB: Jawon Pass, Louisville
Born to play QB.

RB: Soso Jamabo, UCLA
Say that 10 times fast.

WR: Divine Deablo, Virginia Tech
Quite the paradox, eh?

WR: Edgar Allen Poe, Army West Point
Yes, this really is his name. We swear.

WR: Man Berg, Illinois
Is his sister Woman Berg?

TE: Jake Butt, Michigan
A Butt who plays tight end — the jokes write themselves.

OL: Johnathan Boring, Troy
Are holiday cards signed, “Love, The Boring family”?

OL: Brodarius Hamm, Auburn
We would have preferred “Honey-Glazed Hamm.”

OL: Riley Lovingood, Tennessee
A last name and pick-up line rolled into one.

OL: Gentle Williams, Cal
His parents apparently weren’t expecting a football player.

OL: Rowdy Frederick, Tulsa
Great name, even better mullet.

 

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Defense

DL: Dee Liner, Arkansas State
This feels like an Abbott and Costello sketch.

DL: Breeland Speaks, Ole Miss
And this feels like a "Seinfeld" episode.

DL: Taco Charlton, Michigan
No, this isn’t the newest special at Taco Bell.

DL: Lion King, Eastern Michigan
Hakuna Matata.

LB: Tuf Borland, Ohio State
Now that’s a linebacker’s name.

LB: Johnny Ragin III, Oregon
Not to be confused with Johnny Rotten.

LB: Bull Barge, South Alabama
Is there a name more fun to say than “Bull Barge”?

CB: Corn Elder, Miami
It’s a shame he didn’t play for Nebraska.

CB: Dicaprio Bootle, Nebraska
Mom must be a Titanic fan.

S: Money Hunter, Arkansas State
Torii’s son and an NCAA investigation waiting to happen.

S: Vegas Harley, Georgia Southern
Vegas is awesome. Harleys are awesome. So this name is awesome.

 

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Specialists

P: Will Monday, Duke
He must hate the start of the school week more than anyone.

K: Chris Blewitt, Pitt
That’s just unfortunate — especially when this happens.

 

Second Team

 

Offense

QB: Bear Fenimore, Houston

RB: Lil’Jordan Humphrey, Texas

WR: Deebo Samuel, South Carolina

WR: Ralphlauren McCauley, Baylor

WR: Equanimeous St. Brown, Notre Dame

TE: Kalvin Cline, Texas A&M

OL: Mason Sledge, Charlotte

OL: Bar Milo, Miami

OL: Poet Thomas, Texas Tech

OL: Forrest Lamp, Western Kentucky

OL: Bearooz Yacoobi, Purdue

 

Podcast: Official 2016 Big Ten Preview



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Defense

DL: Poona Ford, Texas

DL: Handsome Tanielu, BYU

DL: Freedom Akinmoladun, Nebraska

DL: Gimel President, Illinois

LB: Jango Glackin, Northwestern

LB: Psalm Wooching, Washington

LB: Ironhead Gallon, Georgia Southern

CB: Sir Patrick Scott, Maryland

CB: Mecole Hardman Jr., Georgia

S: Weston Steelhammer, Air Force

S: Budda Baker, Washington

 

Specialists

P: Worth Gregory, East Carolina

K: Younghoe Koo, Georgia Southern

 

Third Team

 

Podcast: Official 2016 Big 12 Preview



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Offense

QB: Faton Bauta, Colorado State

RB: Steven Lakalaka, Hawaii

WR: Dameon Gamblin, New Mexico

WR: Q’ Drennan, New Mexico

WR: Eddie McDoom, Michigan

TE: Octavius Cooley, Ole Miss

OL: Jay Jay McCargo, North Carolina

OL: Bruno Reagan, Vanderbilt

OL: Wolfgang Zacherl, Charlotte

OL: Lake Kirven, Clemson

OL: Tanner Farmer, Nebraska

 

Defense

DL: Sir Calvin Wallace, North Texas

DL: Hercules Mata’afa, Washington State

DL: Colton Thrasher, Idaho

DL: Finesse Middleton, South Alabama

LB: C.J. Stalker, Virginia

LB: Simba Short, Northwestern

LB: Zach Sandwisch, West Virginia

CB: Jamez Brickhouse, Old Dominion

CB: Will Likely, Maryland

S: Mike Tyson, Cincinnati

S: Fish Smithson, Kansas

 

Specialists

P: Logan McElfresh, Minnesota

K: Colby Delahoussaye, LSU

 

Honorable Mention

QB: Gunner Kiel, Cincinnati

QB: Chad President, Tulsa

QB: Austin Apodaca, New Mexico

RB: Squally Canada, BYU

RB: Ish Witter, Missouri

RB: Quaide Weimerskirch, Georgia Tech

RB: Taz Bateman, Georgia State

RB: Tommy Mister, Northern Illinois

RB: Bolu Olorunfunmi, UCLA

WR: Ray-Ray McCloud III, Clemson

WR: Ja’Quay Savage, Louisville

WR: Speedy Noil, Texas A&M

WR: River Cracraft, Washington State

WR: Jester Weah, Pitt

WR: Achillas Wynn, Idaho

WR: Crisjohn Roscoe, Appalachian State

TE: Evan Butts, Virginia

TE: Stone Wolfley, West Virginia

TE: Sebastian Sock, Kansas

TE: Tuli Wily-Matagi, Oregon State

OL: Julian Good-Jones, Iowa State

OL: Tank Davis, Texas A&M

OL: Dillon Middlemiss, Colorado

DL: Nick Czar, Navy

DL: Tyler Biadasz, Wisconsin

DL: Iggy Porchia, UNLV

DL: Praise Martin-Oguike, Temple

DL: Zelt Minor, SMU

DL: Jock Petree, UCF

DL: Izon Pulley, Georgia Tech

DL: Clifford Amazan, Georgia State

LB: Olajuwon Tucker, USC

LB: Shadow Williams, Old Dominion

CB: Hussein Howe, East Carolina

S: Hootie Jones, Alabama

S: Picasso Nelson Jr., Southern Miss

 

— Written by Jim Weber, a veteran college sports journalist and member of the Athlon Contributor Network. Weber has written for CBS Sports Network, NBCSports.com, ESPN the Magazine and the college sports website he founded and sold, LostLettermen.com. Follow him on Twitter at @JimMWeber.

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