12 Athlete Mugshots We Want As Fatheads
We love Fatheads. But we're getting a little tired of those same-old action shots. Instead, we're looking for something that inspires us and teaches us life-lessons. Life lessons such as: Don't be a dumbass.
John Daly: Before you head out for that next drinking binge, take a look at this fathead's Fathead. Back in 2008, the hard-partying golfer headed to Hooters and pounded so many sudsy brews that he passed out. Police let him sleep it off in a cell for 24 hours, but not before he donned this stunning orange shirt and offered up a look that says, "I just shit myself."
Roger Clemens: The Rocket looks like a used car salesman in this perjury-induced mugshot from August 2010. We don't know if the pitching great lied to Congress about using steroids (wink, wink), but his Fathead serves to remind us of one thing: NEVER…EVER…get frosted tips on your hair.
Ric Flair: To quote the Nature Boy himself: "Woooooooo!…I surrender." At least that's what he told North Carolina police back in 2005 after a road rage incident. He was later cleared of all charges, but not before flashing this wrestling-scarred face for the authorities. If nothing else, this Fathead will remind you, "Hey, maybe my job isn't so bad."
Scottie Pippen: It's almost the next best thing to having a Michael Jordan mugshot on your wall. Almost. Pippen, a former Chicago Bulls star, was nabbed back in 1999 after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Charges we later dropped, but not before he flashed this "I'm so gonna beat this" smile for the police camera.
Jim McMahon: No longer doing the "Super Bowl Shuffle,"—thank God—this one-time Bears QB was arrested in Florida in 2003 for driving without a decorative sweatband on his head. Oh, and for having a blood-alcohol level more than three times the legal limit. He pleaded no contest and got probation.
Dwight Gooden: It's hard to narrow down our favorite Doc Gooden Fathead mugshot, but this one from Tampa, Fla., will do. Back in 2006, the former pitching phenom was arrested for violating his probation. (Insert gasp here.) We're pretty sure he was on double-secret probation, considering he's been busted for everything from DUI and evading arrest, to domestic violence and drugs. Of course, we would love to have him locked up for making his once-valuable rookie card as worthless as tits on a bullfrog.
OJ Simpson: OK, so this Fathead may not be from an actual mugshot, but the former football star's face at the courthouse says a lot. Mostly it says, "Well, crap. I'm going to be convicted of robbery and kidnapping." The sentence was handed down by a Las Vegas jury in 2008. He was later sentenced to 33 years in jail. The moral? Karma's a bitch.
Deion Sanders: Oddly, this booking photo looks just like our Match.com profile photo. It's uncanny. Seriously, have you ever seen anybody so happy to be arrested? Neon Deion's unconcern probably stems from the ridiculous charges he faced in June 1996 when Florida police nabbed him for trespassing. Apparently the then Dallas Cowboys star went fishing on a lake owned by a local airport, despite being warned by authorities.
Plaxico Burress: This is a must-have Fathead, if only to remind you of this: don't put your loaded, unregistered Glock pistol in your sweatpants. Ever. That is, unless you want to shoot yourself, piss away millions of dollars and go to prison. Then, go crazy. The former New York Giants Fathead face says it all, "I can't believe I'm that dumb."
The former and (sort of) once-again NFL QB struck this "My name Mike and I like long walks on the beach" pose in 2008 after facing charges surrounding his dogfighting ring. Since Vick wound up spending 21 months in the pokey, we're titling this Fathead: "Pissing away two prime years."
Mike Tyson: The former heavyweight champ and face-tattoo lover was arrested in December 2006 on drunk driving and cocaine possession charges following a police stop outside an Arizona nightclub. He was sentenced to 24 hours in jail and a ton of community service. The moral? No clue, we just love the fact that Iron Mike is sticking his tongue out during his police booking photo.
Andre The Giant
Andre The Giant: This Fathead is actual size. The 7-foot 4-inch, 540-pound wrestler was nabbed back in 1989 by the Linn County, Iowa sheriff's department for allegedly roughing up a cameramen who was filming his match after being warned not to. In case you're wondering, the real dumbass is the cameraman, but we just love looking at the giant's Martin Van Buren mutton-chop sideburns.